You Need Therapy
by Diddle-chan
Summary: Life truly was a random course of moments, both funny and sexual. Especially if you were him, familiar with the chronically insane, but only because they're your friends and very much in need of therapy. Oneshot.Palletshipping and Navigatorshipping. AU.


**Diddle: The only two pairings that are mostly hinted at are Palletshipping and Navigatorshipping. It is kind of AU, but set in the same places as the anime world.**

**Hopefully you're all familiar with their Japanese names, I use them in every fic I write anyway, so you should be. So this was written from two to four thirty in the morning and then I went to sleep.**

**It's only been briefly edited. It is a one shot and won't be updated. I just got bored. This is kind of an apology for not writing anything over the holidays. **

**Satoshi's POV.**

* * *

I couldn't believe my eyes. They're looking at dresses.

You never thought you'd find me, standing by an elevator doorway watching my friends shop. Well here I am, the department store is insanely pink and it's grossing me out. If I ever set foot in here, there is only one explanation, I was forced.

Shigeru and his newly adopted friendship with all of my past friends, could be considered overly strange, in the lightest sense of the word, but I beg to differ. It is way beyond strange. In fact, if you lined him up with the all the mental institute patients from Sinnoh, he'd get locked into a padded cell.

That's why this is weird and why I want to go home. Amongst other reasons...

"Hey! Sato I found the perfect thing for you!" he calls to me from a clothing rack before pulling out a frilly, black lolita dress, with a skirt so short that if I were to wear it, I'd get arrested for indecent exposer. Behind all the puffy skirts, frills and lace that I'm shoved into by my oh so generous female companions, I'm actually a pretty realistic guy.

"Shigeru's right, it'd go great with your _night job!_" Matsuba jokingly adds in and they all cackle, like a group of twenty-something males do when they've pissed off a good friend.

And they're right to do so.

"Oh drop dead, freaks." I fold my arms huffily and stride over, snatching the dress from the blonde. "Are you kidding me, not only would I not fit in this thing, but I bet the skirt chafes terribly." I grin brightly at them, Shigeru quirks an eyebrow at me when Jackie suddenly decides to break the queer tension created in my equally queer statement by having a laughing fit.

Thank god it's infectious.

"Hey, what're you guys all laughing at?" We all abruptly stop and on the same wave length turn around sharply to face the girls, I hide the dress behind my back and we all shift our weight uncomfortably. It's funny how you can telepathic connections to people you've known as a group for about three years isn't it?

Oh, that was sarcasm.

Shuu, trying not to sound suspicious or guilty and failing to do both, states the biggest lie of the century.

"Nothing..." I bite my lip, that was convincing... Shigeru clears his throat.

"So, what did you girl's buy?" Nice save, Shigeru. Hikari giggles happily, in a sort of 'yay Shigeru is talking to me!' way. She's too pleased for her own good. You could even say I'm a little jealous.. But just a little.

"Nothing you'd be interested in Shigeru." Kasumi and Shigeru are incredibly bitter to each other and I have no clue why. It's not that they don't try to get along or pretend they do, the others may not notice it, but when they share even a sentence of dialogue the utter distaste in their tone is very recognisable to me. She flicks her ginger hair, I have to say, as gay as i am, that the past few years have been good to her, she's very beautiful.

Kasumi's looks strike more as womanly then girlie teenager now a days, I find such a maturity very astounding to say the least, because personally in the early days of middle school, she was butt ugly. I laugh nervously to break the tension, discretely passing the dress to Shinji so he can just as discretely place it back on the rack.

"Well, if we're all done why don't we head back? I'm tired of this place, it's crowded and bad for my eye sight." Hikari frowns at me.

"Hold on Satoshi, I know you're eager to get out of here, but Takeshi and the others haven't come beck yet." She places her hands on her hips, disappointed that I could even forget such a friend. Although, I'm quite positive Takeshi and Masato wouldn't mind the alone time to commit all sorts of vaguely illegal actions..

And by 'vaguely illegal' I mean 'blind paedophilia', well blind to the department store security at least. I guess public toilets are good for something after all. I scratch my neck sheepishly.

"Right..how could I forget." I whip out my phone and Riley catches on.

"For the meantime, why don't we grab a bite to eat,? I'm famished." That's a great idea and all, but does he have to sound so professionally snooty about it? Haruka giggles none the less and agrees with him. We all take a sharp left towards the food hall.

Meanwhile I mash the buttons on my phone to dial Hiroshi and ask where the four of them are. It rings, and rings and rings....I hear the fuzzy click from the other end and then breathing.

"Hey Satoshi"

"Hey, where are you guys? We're just heading to the food hall now.." There's a pause from the other end.

"Well, we kind of lost Kenji on the fourth floor, Takeshi and Masato are helping..Oh, never mind we found him." a breezy chuckle.

"Okay, so will you come meet us. Oh and _don't_ let Takeshi and Masato off on their own." I don't let Hiro reply before hanging up, hoping he'll heed my warning. The last thing we need is Takeshi in jail. Again.

* * *

After our fun little escapade at the mall we're all crashing at my place for some reason. Apparently the rest of us can't afford decent houses, maybe if the lazy asshats would get jobs we wouldn't be in this mess.

We've been up all night gaming, and the less mature of us, which mind you is a few, have been drinking. The ones who don't drink were subjected to three spaced out cups of Shigeru's awful coffee making skills. It's sad to think he works part time in a cafe, but he does.

Full time unsuccessful scientist pays poorly, I hear.

"Good god, you really need a coffee machine Satoshi..." Shuu grimaces as he downs the last contents of his mug. I scoff plainly.

"Hey, don't blame me, the coffee is fine, it's Nerdville over there you should be complaining about." Shigeru huffs, angrily mashing the a button on the Xbox controller .

"There is nothing wrong with that coffee. Boil water, pour junk in and stir. Simple." Riley shoots him a rather incredulous as I smirk blankly at my long time companion.

"Junk..?" Riley slowly sets down his mug, and regrettably doesn't touch it again for the rest of the night.

"Shigeru, everything is wrong with your coffee, it tastes like a monkey pissed in battery acid." He pulls a face at me.

"I'd say Satoshi's about accurate on that one shigeru, your coffee making skills are beyond terrible!"

"I couldn't agree more Matsuba!"

"Shut up! Bloody blondes.." Shigeru ditches my favourite pillow at the two. I won't be sleeping on that tonight....

"Your fault Shigeru, learn to make good coffee." I snicker at Hiroshi and we high five. Riley cheers in victory as he's won, for the first time all night.

"Okay that's it." Shigeru tackles me grasping me in a head lock. Needless to say I got the noogying of a life time.

"Knock it off Shigeru, only little kids and middle aged men who live in their parents basement noogie their friends!" I flail impossibly as the rest of my gracious, half drunk friends laugh and cheer Shigeru on.

Great friends, I know.

I push my friend backwards and sit on his stomach, we then all proceed to cover him in a mountain of pillows. If I have to say so myself, the whole concept is rather childish an slightly depressing when you realise that a bunch of guys have nothing better to do then cover one of them in a giant stack of pillows.

Can anyone say 'pride crushing reality'? All of it is completely innocent until i dive beneath our glorious fortress to steal a brief French kiss from Shigeru. He says something along the lines of 'Fucking tease', but the dark insult is rather muffled.

Then Masato jumped on him and we all cheered loudly when the unfortunate soul bellow moaned in of some completely unfathomable degree.

That was a lie. Couch cushions aren't very thick.

* * *

We all passed out around four in the morning and I had such a deep sleep and queer, quite literally, dream that I can barely remember all of what happened. One thing I have noticed is that my food mysteriously disappeared over night.

So, I ended up having to make an early trip to the store to buy more then enough food to get me through the week. When I got back home, the ten of them were all still asleep in a massive man pile so I figure I should make breakfast for them.

Haruka would kill all of us if Masato had school today, much to my blessings he doesn't. I'm sure Takeshi is pretty happy about that little node too. Of course, nothing gets by Kotone, what we did last night should have been confidential and never see the light of day.

Ever.

But the brunette is perceptive, so the little, scrawly note that said 'Good morning manwhore, have fun last night?' that was classily shoved into my mail box came as no surprise to me. I scrunched it up and tossed it away.

I can't have any fun with her around.

After slaving away above a hot stove on a humid day, you really don't want to do anything else, but I have things to host. I set my makeshift breakfast on the table and stride back into the lounge room, but naturally only after a few minuets of me being gone, no matter how hung over, tired or idiotic they are, my friends managed to find the energy to pillow fight.

"Hey, breakfast." I gesture lightly to the kitchen and they all knock into me as they rush for the food. yeah good morning to you too. Shigeru thrusts a pillow into my face as he walks by, projecting again I see. Hey, guys, familiar with the number sixty nine you insane jackasses?

When you've all been through therapy, remind me when I'm supposed to laugh.


End file.
